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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Daniel Adamson's LiveJournal:

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    Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
    1:07 am
    This is my first post. Be gentle.

    I stumbled across a website that claims to have hacked into Ashton Kutcher's voicemail.

    Now, this might be totally fake but lets all cross our fingers and close our eyes and wish really hard that it's true.

    My favourite is the porno groupie phonecall

    holy voicemail

    taken from "fanchitchat" messageboards

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: poems: nealy god.
    Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
    7:43 pm
    fat girls and feeders
    I hate gay stereotypes but I truly believe that inside every gay man there's a fabulous woman waiting to bust out. It explains our love of songssungbyladies and why we all love Desperate Housewives.

    There's always been a fat girl inside me waiting to bust out. I always thought she'd be big, black and fabulous. She'd have a weave and gesture with her hands a lot and she'd take no shit from anyone. She'd wear diamonte jewellery and think she was queen on the fucking world.

    I've had some problems with my eating. I was really very underweight at some points and used to go days without food. I went to doctors to get treated. When I got over all that nonsense I went through a stage of throwing food up after I'd eaten.

    I sorted that out - and was left with a bit of a problem.

    I couldn't eat properly. I'd be too scared to start restricting what I ate in case I got fucked up again. I'd be too scared to exercise regularly or train a lot for fear that I'd step back into old habits.

    As a result, the fat girl that's always been inside me has quite literally burst out. Instead of being called Jacquee (with a soft "j" and a French "e"), dripping with faux jewels, screaming "Oh No He Di'NT" to anyone who tells me anything - instead of being one of The Weather Girls and screaming "it's raining men" while men in tight short-shorts dance around me, the fat girl that's escaped is fairly unimpressive.

    The fat girl within me that has escaped is pale, with mousy hair, giant saggy breasts down to her knees. She sits on the sofa farting and then smelling them. She wears a too-tight jumper with pictures of cats on the front. She listens to bands like Matchbox 20 thinking she's oh-so-alternative and has poor social skills. She smells a bit like hamburgers and when she takes her underwear off there's always skidmarks. She leaves her tampons in for 18 hours at a time because she can't be bothered standing up and doesn't believe in toxic shock syndrome. She thinks that Carrie from Sex and The City sums up her life perfectly and when nobody is in the house she uninspiredly rubs herself off to Alistair Appleton , the rather dashing presenter of "cash in the attic". After achieving a dull orgasm she smells her fingers and changes the channel without washing her hands or herself. She dully proclaims to anyone who'll listen "I don't eat that much" as they stare at the two empty bags of Salt and Vinegar McCoys crisps and three empty packets of dairy milk by the side of the sofa ("but I'm having a girly night in on my own").

    You can see that for a boy like me who is frantically clinging onto his previous slender frame- even though it was a result of much binge eating, vomiting, burning throat and dizzy spells - that discovering that the fat girl taking over his body (and personality?) is so rubbish and pathetic is a cause for concern. I want the promise of Jacquee - not the reality of Dawn (which she'd inevitably be called). And so I plan to lose the three inches from my waist that I've put on.

    I've adopted what can only really be described as a vegan diet. No Meat. No Dairy. No Eggs. I have to say I love it. Not only will I get to say goodbye to Dawn (who'll probably start greeting when she has to leave me and will have snot dripping all over her face), but I get to experiment with a whole new bunch of recipes. Before - every meal I ate had meat in it. So to cook with pulses, beans, celery... it's novel.

    In fact the only potential downside I can see (apart from having people think I'm a twat) is that I might start smelling like a vegan.

    That and the fact that I'm having many more bowel movements that I normally would.

    If I keep this up I'll end up slender again and hopefully I'll be able to imagine the fat girl trapped inside me. It'll be Jacquee. Dawn will be forgotten forever.

    Current Music: skin: you've made your bed
    Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
    7:10 pm
    *STOP*
    STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING

    L.A.M.B by Gwen Stefani is amazing. Perhaps as good as JC Chasez' album.

    Instructions for the first time you hear it.

    1) Put down newspaper, for when you shit yourself in amazement
    2) Put a picture of Josh Hartnett on a wall at waist height for when you ejaculate upon hearing this album. Even if you're a girl. You'll still squirt in joy. Try to hit his face. You may be trembling so much your aim is a bit off. That's okay.
    3) Put all the lights on in the house, open all the curtains, open the windows wide and dance about the house like you're disabled. This was all your neighbours can see you getting your groove on and hence
    4) Have a phone to dial 999 ready in case you DIE as a direct result of the brilliance of this album.
    5) Be prepared to dance so much to this cd that your feet wear away and you're left with bloody stumps at the ankles.

    THANKYOU FOR LISTENING
    Friday, September 10th, 2004
    9:27 am
    dear entire world
    Dear entire world,

    I managed to find the new destiny's child song .

    I'll give you the link. Try not to shake in anticipation. Get it here .

    This song is amazing for the following reasons

    1) The Timbaland/Missy Elliott marching band drumbeat that goes all the way through the song.
    2) The synthy bits that go with the drumbeat
    3) It's called "lose your breath" and is definitely about shagging ("can you keep up, baby boy, make me lose my breath, make me hot"). Although the three Christian Girls will no doubt deny this and say it's about some sort of dance contest.
    4) It sounds dark and dirty as sin
    5) You have to hear it exactly five times before you love it. The first four you'll be unimpressed. The fifth time you'll shit yourself as you realise how good it is.
    6) They let Michelle sing for more than a few seconds.
    7) It looks like Kelly has had a nose-job which will make for a million comedy moments in interviews
    8) The video will be phenomenal.

    Anyone who claims to dislike Destiny's Child is a liar. And a snob. They are amazing. say my name is one of the few perfect pop songs. Bug a boo is just plain amazing.

    Be warned, first few listens you're likely to be unimpressed. Listen to it five times.

    Just be prepared to put some newspaper down in case of any stainage from shitting yourself through its excellence.
    Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
    11:55 am
    01) What time did you start this? 1155am
    02) Name?: Boring_Fun/Daniel Adamson (both made up)
    03) Date of birth? March 11th, 1982
    04) Sex?: Male
    05) Height?: 6'3"
    06) Eye color?: green
    07) Location?: Glasgow, Scotland
    08) Where were you born: On the wagon of a travelling show (my mama used to dance for they money they'd throw).
    09) What are you wearing right now?: Grey boxers and a stripy polo-shirt (stylin')
    10) Are you a virgin?: hahahahahahahahaha.
    11) Do you smoke?: nope.
    12) Do you drink?: Much more than I should
    13) Are you ghetto?: Word.
    14) Are you a player?: Unfortunately not.
    15) What are your favorite colors?: Red, Black.
    16) What is your favorite animal?: Monkeys.
    17) Do you have any birthmarks?: Nope.
    18) Who are your best friends?: My Man, Lucy, Dawid, Adele.
    19) Have you ever beat someone up for fun?: yes.
    20) Are you shy or outgoing?: Shy with new people, outgoing with friends.
    21) Do you shower?: A lot.
    22) How easily do you trust people?: Not easily. I keep most people at arm's length.
    23) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: Yes. I once started a rumour that Geri Halliwell died in a car crash just for the hell of it.
    24) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: Yes.
    25) Would you ever sky dive?: yes.
    26) Do you like to dance?: Yes. In my head I'm a big black woman when I dance. However, in reality, I just look like I have cerebral palsy
    27) Have you ever been out of state/country?: yup.
    28) Do you like to travel?: yes, the further away the better.
    29) Have you ever been suspended from school?: Nope.
    30) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: I'm already there.
    31) Are you spoiled? Not especially.
    32) Are you a brat?: Sometimes.
    33) What's your favorite drink?: Red Bull.
    34) Do you drink a lot of water?: Loads and loads and loads.
    35) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: yup.
    36) Are you a role model?: only to the desperate.
    37) What name brand do you wear the most?: H+M (ha ha)
    38) What do you have pierced?: Tongue, Scrotum, Penis.
    39) What do you want pierced?: anything that's going.
    40) Do you like getting your picture taken?: nope nope nope.
    41) Do you have a tan?: I reflect the sun.
    42) Do you get annoyed easily?: Nope
    43) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: Boxers.
    44) Have you ever been played?: no (not that I know of).
    45) Have you ever played someone?: Nope
    46) Do you get along with your parents?: Yes.
    47) How do you vent your anger?: Juggle. Masturbate.
    48) Have you ever run away?: Nope.
    49) Have you ever been fired from a job?: No.
    50) Do you even have a job?: As of last thursday - not anymore.
    51) Do you daydream a lot?: All the time
    52) What do you have a tattoo of?: Nothing.
    53) What are your favorite flowers?: Lily's.
    54) Are you rude?: Very.
    55) What was the last compliment you received?: "nice cock"
    56) Do you like getting dirty?: sex dirty? yes. Dirt dirty- no way.
    57) Is your belly button an innie or outie?: Innie.
    59) When was your last real heartbreak?: When they cancelled sunset beach
    60) Describe your looks?: Big tall GEEK.
    61) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: Red red red red red red red.
    62) Would you ever date someone older than you?: I already am.
    63) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: Give. Receiving's great, but nothing beats the power of giving head.
    64) Have you ever given? Frequently
    65) Have you ever received?: yes
    66) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: No.
    67) Do you cry a lot?: Never
    68) Are you the romantic type?: Not especially
    69) What do you like most about your body?: legs, hands, eyes.
    70) What do you like least about your body?: butt
    70) When was the last time you threw up?: A few months ago with a hangover.
    71) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Red leather, with cream stripes.
    72) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Nope nope nope
    73) Is your best friend a virgin?: Hahahahahahahahaha
    74) What color are your underwear right now?: grey
    75) What size shoe do you wear?: 12
    76) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: yup
    77) How are you feeling right now?: a little hungover
    78) When was the last time you were at a party?: this month
    79) What do you sleep in?: naked, or in pyjamas if it's cold/there's no chance of sex.
    80) What time did you finish this?: 12.09pm
    Friday, August 20th, 2004
    8:51 am
    Dear Diary
    Dear Diary,

    I'm at the stage of unemployment where I have a million things to do every day. Or rather, I tell myself I'm doing a million things whereas really all I'm doing is sitting at the computer, occasionally applying for jobs and learning to juggle four balls.

    I'm at the stage where the thought of doing too much in one day scares me. (Go into town AND apply for jobs? there isn't enough time).

    So you'll forgive my amusement when I get a job interview.

    This particular job is doing teaching assistant work at the Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh. It's part time, but they'd throw in a masters without charging fees which would be nice.

    The interview is in Edinburgh on the 1st september at 945 and lasts 30 minutes.

    Thing is, I have an interview in Glasgow at 2pm on the same day for a Research Assistant Post. So, the question is.... can I make it to both interviews on the same day?

    Probably, yes. Will it be stressful? Definitely. At the moment the thought of being out of the house for more than an hour gives me hives. Being outside for a whole day? I'm not sure that I'll cope with all the sounds and shapes and colours. Not to mention being grilled twice in the same day. I bet I faint like a hollywood damsel in the silent movies

    ("So, Mister Boring_Fun, you've told us you have extensive teaching experience yet on your application I can only see details of a one day training session you conducted. Could you elaborate on what other teaching experience you have?" - *thump* as boring_fun hits the floor)

    In other news - my Slight obsession with Mean Girls featuring the wonderfully skank-alicious Ms L.Lohan kicked me in the ass this morning.

    After days of waiting, Mean-girls.mpg finally downloaded to my computer.
    But when I played it... lets just say it wasn't a light-hearted yet edgy teenage high-school romp.

    It was nasty straight porn. Now I love straight porn. I love it more than gay porn. But only if the straight guys are hot. If a guy has long hair and a goatee, he's not hot. Especially when he's licking a girl's bumhole as while having a stilletto heel shoved up her mimsy by some other girl.
    Monday, August 16th, 2004
    9:40 pm
    climbing the walls
    dear diary,

    I am climbing the walls with boredom.

    If anyone has any spare doobie juice, send it my way. I want to smoke away my graduate unemployment blues.

    Boring_fun

    P.S - Being skint sucks. Living where I do sucks. There are no shops unless I'm prepared to take a twenty minute walk there and back. That totally defeats the purpose of buying chocolate.
    Thursday, August 12th, 2004
    2:48 pm
    mugged
    Dear Mugger,

    Before you had a go at me I was walking to the post office thinking that I'm lonely on the southside. I'd just taken a walk right the way up Paisley Road West all the way to the cinema looking out for good pubs and places of interest. Having only lived here for just over a month I don't know anyone except my boyfriends friends who are all professionals. Absolutely lovely, but not my age.

    Since I'm barely working I spend most of my time in the flat alone applying for jobs. So I was thinking that exploring the southside properly would be fine.

    I was wanting to give the area a chance.

    When I was walking past the school I saw one of you approach me on a moped, and you were walking towards me.

    First of all I thought it was really unnecessary that you stepped so close to me and grabbed my arm. I don't like people touching me.

    Second of all, I was confused at you saying "give me your laptop" because I don't own a laptop. By the time I realised you were referring to my black Head bag that I carry everywhere with me you were threatening me with a knife. While I now realise you probably didn't actually have a knife, it shocked me at the time.

    Oh, and by the way. When I hung onto my bag and didn't give it to you, that meant that I wasn't willing to hand it over. That wasn't an invitation for you to grab it and then run at top speed towards your friend on the moped.

    I'd just like you to know that you are a cunt. You had no right to take what belonged to me. I would never do any such thing to you. You have not only ruined my day, but you have made me a little bit scared of walking home from the undergound. I just think you should know that I've always been trusting of people in general. I like to believe that people are fundamentally good. You've made it a little bit more difficult for me to believe this.

    You should know that I've called the police. You'd probably not like to know that the two policemen who came were very very dishy. One was wearing trousers that were too tight for him and there was definite bulge action. Your actions lead to me perving on an officer of the law. I hope you're happy.

    I hope they give you electric chair.

    Yours fearfully,

    boring_fun

    P.S. Your friend's moped was shite.
    P.P.S You had shite haire.
    P.P.P.S Fuck you.
    Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
    9:27 am
    Dear World
    Dear World,

    I appreciate that technically you don't owe me anything.

    However if you could see it fit to give me a nice job at a good university for a year before applying for a PhD I'd be extremely grateful.

    Lots of love

    Boring_fun (your friend).

    P.S - should I remind you that I've always been able to laugh when you throw any obstacles/shit my way.
    P.P.S - Could you make the job pay me £50,000 a year.
    Friday, August 6th, 2004
    10:56 am
    Dear insurance CUNTS
    Dear Insurance company who recently interviewed me,

    You are a bunch of cunts.

    I worked with you for a year while I was getting my degree and left when I went into my final year of university.

    I applied for a job with you this week. While I may have no intentions of staying with the company for the rest of my life or moving into management, I would have worked with you for as long as was possible and I would have been good at my job.

    The cunt who interviewed me gets hideously drunk at Christmas parties and starts fights. He may also have a slight cocaine problem. If you had no intention of hiring me because I have a degree you shouldn't have interviewed me. I've sat the interview before. I knew the questions, had answers prepared, aced the spelling, listening and numeracy test, and completed the role-play 100% successfully. So if you were never going to give me the job why make me squirm by asking me ten competency based questions (think of a time when you gave excellent customer service), then a whole host of other questions.

    I can do the job inside out, you know it and I know it. I did it well for a year.

    You are a shower of evil cunts

    Lots of Love,

    Boring_fun

    P.S I stole one of your headsets
    P.P.S Your adverts are shite
    P.P.P.S Go to hell
    Thursday, August 5th, 2004
    10:52 pm
    MEMO :Glasgow Cinema Goers/Workers
    This memo is intended for cinema employees in the Glasgow area, as well as some cinema goers.

    Dear All.

    I go to the cinema on my own for a number of reasons.

    1) To see films that my boyfriend/my friends refuse to see
    2) To get some "me time"
    3) Because I'm in town and at a loose end
    4) because I want to see the latest teen high school romp

    This month I have seen "mean girls" on my own (twice), and "13 going on 30". In the past, I may have watched "camp".

    It just so happens that I like light-hearted teen romps. This does not mean that I have inappropriate feelings towards young girls. Please don't look disgusted with me when I buy a ticket. Please don't keep turning round to look at me during the film while protectively hugging your young daughter.

    I am not a pedophile. I am simply in the gays (with a love of girl-focussed-teen-drama) and there is a big difference.
    Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
    8:30 am
    scabid
    Dear Diary,

    I have Scabies courtesy of my man.

    He's working at a hospital in glasgow and has to do fairly regularly overnight shifts. One of his colleagues was round a while ago. She had red marks and said she'd had a skin irritation and she was trying to see if she could get punted up the front of a queue to see a dermatologist.

    Only no. It's scabies.

    We were out till after two in the morning last night.

    At six we were both awake and scratching.

    The combination of hangover and lack of sleep mean I am FURIOUS.

    I can't actually be in the flat. I'm going to get the train into town, get a McDonalds breakfast and go see Mean Girls.

    If nothing else it'll be reassuring to know that Linsey Lohan is probably more crawling than I am.

    ross
    Saturday, July 24th, 2004
    6:36 pm
    metal work
    Dear Diary,

    On wednesday I was sitting bored at work and decided to get a prince albert piercing.

    Two hours later I lay back on a bed with my trousers around my ankles while a pissed off looking piercer held my penis in her hands.

    She then put a needle up my urethra, pushed it through the flesh and back out again.

    I'd love to say "it didn't hurt" or "you could hardly feel it" but that would be a lie.

    As she put the needle in I started a moaning. then as it went through it escalated to a scream. All I remember is grabbing hold of her wrist and not letting go. Much to her annoyance. Not only did she have to pierce my dick, she nearly had both bones in her arm broken as I grabbed on and screamed.

    Much to my embarrassment when I got outside to the waiting area, I got strange looks. Apparently you could hear everything.

    Since then -

    I've discovered that the rumour that you piss in two streams after a prince albert is untrue. Or rather, moderately untrue. It's hardly opposite directions. The spray is just a little wider. Peeing in a normal toilet is a little tricky (although by no means impossible) but peeing at a urinal is fine.

    I've also discovered that there is nothing more horrible that seeing blood come out the urethra opening. Yes, I had what looked like a nose bleed out of my pee hole.

    I nearly collapsed because I hadn't properly thought the whole process through. I knew that if I did - I would chicken out.

    I was never sure if a prince albert would work on an uncut cock. The answer? It does.

    And how does it feel?

    Well...

    Rather delicious actually.

    I've not been able to test the claim that orgasms are four times better (how they quantify how good an orgasm is I have no idea).

    but if it feels this good while it's still healing... I can't imagine how good it'll feel when it's properly healed.
    Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
    8:59 pm
    thief
    I don't really have many talents.

    There's not a lot that I do well or excel at. The one skill I do have is celebrity gossip and popculture.

    I don't think I've ever been unable to complete a Heat crossword. Not a week goes by when I don't read up on the stars lives. I prowl internet sites. I can pretty much tell you if any (male) celeb has naked pictures online somewhere (Colin Farrell, Darius Danesh, Aaron Carter and Brad Pitt to name but a few). I can tell you who is rumoured to be gay and cite various sources (Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Vin Diesel, Kevin Spacey) same for lesbians (Jodie Foster, Dolly Parton). I can tell you who has freaky fetishes (Freddie Prinze Jr: nappies, Kevin Spacey loves butt plugs, Kristanna Loken loves to use strap ons on men), what Justin Timberlake's cock is like (completely average with a nasty circumsision scar)...

    I can tell you just about anything about anyone and if I don't know anything about them, I'll find out for you.

    Pop culture is my religion.

    Now, I love my man to bits. Absolutely adore him. An I'm trying to be tactful here, but his knowledge on such things sucks. He is a retard when it comes to anything celebrity related. He confessed to me once that he didn't really know what Beyonce looked like. He couldn't name a Destiny's Child song. He doesn't know who Jamelia is, and last week he heard "the real slim shady" on the radio and started giggling and asked me "who sings that, it's funny". Once I started talking about Beck and he looked a bit confused and scared and asked me
    "what are those words you're saying, they don't mean anything".

    So as much as I love him, he's a pop-retard. He has "special needs" when it comes to pop knowledge.

    I've been trying to educate my man in the world of pop gossip. I started off slow with a discussion of the names of the members of Destiny's Child. Alongside Solange of course. I dragged his ass to pop concerts. He's been made to see Britney, Beyonce and Cher with me and I gave him a blow-by-blow of the X-tina concert I went to where she removed an item of clothing between each song, was off her tits on speed, looked like she hadn't washed in a week and had simply put another layer of concealer on at the beginning of each new day.

    I thought it was a lost cause.

    Until recently. I'd rented "the fighting attractions" to watch because I'd briefed him about Beyonce's foray into the world of acting. We got very drunk and his tongue got a little loose.

    "I was telling some of the nurses at work about beyonce"

    That got my back up a little bit. But I played it pretty cool. I managed not to spill any of my wine.

    "They were all dead impressed when I told them that beyonce won loads of hula-hoop championships when she was younger" I looked at him incredulous and he just kept on talking. "They all like Beyonce too" he added, "I told them about her being a triple threat and how beyonce's dad was trying to groom Solange for it too but she got pregnant".

    Now I should interject (again) here. Because, it took me a good while to explain to my man what "triple threat" meant (that she can sing, dance and act) and it took a while for him to grasp the concept. Now he's educating the nurses at his work about it.

    So I kept my cool and calmly asked him why he was talking about Beyonce.

    "We were talking about all the pop concerts I go to" was his answer. I wonder if he'd mentioned to the nurses that I had booked and paid for each and every one of the pop concerts, getting up early the day they went on sale to get good seats. I wonder if he told them that I had to blackmail and bribe him to even commit to going to see any of them and that he nearly didn't come to see Cher because I got us in the standing area and he doesn't like to stand up.

    After some probing I found out that all the nurses at his work love him. That he regularly gets requests for celebrity gossip and for future Eastender storylines.

    I should have seen it coming I suppose.

    I was kind of blind.

    Last year I told him about Sarah Jessica Parker's inverted nipples being the reason she didn't do nudity in sex and the city. Sitting on the sofa opposite me, and next to a friend of his from school he let slip "oh, you know SJP from Sex and the City? Do you ever notice that she never takes her bra off? It's because she has inverted nipples".

    I threw a bit of a maddie at him for passing off my stories and talents as his own, and he just laughed it off.

    But for the past year he's been feeding every tidbit of gossip I give him to staff members at hospitals throughout glasgow and passing it off as his own. so if you're ever in a hospital and hear a wee man talking about Brad and Jen's relationship woes - know that it came from me.

    Current Music: tricky : love cats
    Sunday, May 16th, 2004
    11:15 pm
    update
    so it's been a while.

    I'd love to say that in that time I'd got a job with the national enquirer and that they started me on a fifty grand a year salary and my first assignment was to infiltrate Whitney Houston's house as a "member of staff" and secretly feed details of her drink, drugs and marriage hell back to America's Hottest Weekly.

    But no.

    I've been sat on my ass.

    I went to the gym and lay in the park.

    I finished one terrible book and have just started a brilliant book.

    I've got my job in the psychology lab back, but it's only 15 hours a week and monthly pay so I need a bar job on top of that. I've applied for a full time summer position in the department as a research assistant which would be very nice. With the job I'm in I get paid £8.00 an hour and it's flexi time. With the one I apply to it's only £6.00 an hour, but it's full time. It's a better job. I'm so tired I'm not making sense.

    I was thinking that maybe I'm a little bit broken after exams. I can't sleep in. I still have exam nightmares where I go to the exam and can't write anything down. Weirdest of all, I'm restless unless I'm doing something. I can't just sit down.

    Oh, and whatever Gods are in charge of my life like having a laugh at my expense.

    My parents were through for their quarterly trip to Ikea so we met for dinner. As we sat down, who was sitting right next to us? My best (gay) friend, and my man's ex. My man's ex is a funny character. He's outrageous, loud and always steaming. Now bear in mind that my folks don't even know that my boyfriend exists - as the whole coming out shebang didn't go swimmingly well, and I was plannning on mentioning to them that I was moving in with "someone" and let them take it from there.

    I didn't want to have to explain to them.. this is my friend, and the guy he's with (yeah, he's really drunk), he went out with my current boyfriend, things ended badly, and he set my man's curtains on fire, cheated on him a lot and in their final confrontation threw a huge brick ashtray at my man's head.

    In other news - I saw Cher. She was the best thing I've ever seen in my whole entire life. ten times better than britney, and two times better than christina and beyonce.

    She came on lowered from the ceiling in a giant chandelier, at one point she was riding a huge elephant and she sang "strong enough". she even did "half breed", "dark lady" and "gypsies tramps and thieves". I was positively moist throughout the whole show and even my man who (bless him) doesn't know much about pop music or cher's musica career was enchanted throughout the entire show - and didn't complain about having to stand all the way through once!

    Do you want some Gossip?

    Neither Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson can read. Apparently they're "dyslexic" but word is that's nonsense. They're simply too priviledged to have to read. Part of Nick Lachey's 5 year plan for him and Jessica is to get Jessica reading and writing.

    More gossip you say? Do you really want more?

    Hilary Duff - that mini whore who thinks she might be a proper pop star - has a coke habit that's rapidly spiralling out of control.

    Current Music: dialeted peoples feat kanye west : this way
    Monday, May 10th, 2004
    12:06 pm
    update
    Well, I suppose I should update.

    Exams are finished.

    University is over.

    My life as I know it has ended.

    I have a job interview for a bank in Belfast next week, and I start my job in the psychology lab next week. It's just part time, and it's on a month to month basis, but it's eight pounds an hour and at fifteen hours a week, it'll be enough to cover rent and food while I find something to do with the rest of my life.

    Todays job is to apply for research assistant posts in psychology labs.

    Also, to go to the gym to try to get rid of some of the obscene amount of weight I put on at exam time.

    But then it's a nice day and I might go lie in the park and read my (awful but addictive) dean koontz book. I swore to myself that I would read all the psych related language (and primate) books that I didn't have time to... but a story about a man who's allergic to sunlight and a dastardly lab that do bad things is so much more appealing right now.

    It's a good day. The sun is shining, and i have the new national enquirer to read while I cycle.

    Oh yeah, I've been drunk and/or stoned since I finished on Friday.

    Saying I'm happy would be an understatement - although I do feel a little bit lost. It's odd going from having your time completely structured - down to every second - to having nothing too pressing to do.
    Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
    3:24 pm
    exam
    after staying in the library till one (which made it a fifteen hour study day) I went home, smoked a doobie, tried to sleep, fell asleep while waking up a million times and got up at ten to seven. 4 "pep" tablets (better than pro plus), a black coffee and a can of red bull later, I was ready to sit my exam.

    I was bricking it about this one. It was fine. Two great questions, including

    "draw up a blueprint for an ideal mental health service" and "what do offenders tell us about child-sex-abuse prevention efforts that, in your mind is reliable".

    Two dreamy questions that I didn't answer particularly well, but got a lot on the page.

    Last night I started hearing a cat meowing. I'm trying to convince myself it isn't auditory hallucinations but I Searched everywhere on my (empty) floor on the library and it was nowhere to be found.

    Oh well.

    Exam thursday and friday and then that's university over with. Forever.
    Monday, May 3rd, 2004
    10:20 pm
    today's news
    Today's news

    1) I told four people to be quiet who were talking in the "quiet" study area. I'm fairly sure I saw a note passed. It probably said "that guy is such a cunt" with funny stick man pictures of me.

    2) I realised that at twelve o'clock, the library is full. Eleven floors and every single seat and table is taken.

    3) A security guard recognised me and said "hello". I've never had to speak to security guards before and it vaguely unsettles me that out of the thousands of people who use the library, they recognise me.

    4) I've realised that I'm fucked for tomorrow's exam.

    I have no news.

    Gah.

    Somebody do a little dance for me.
    Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
    12:05 pm
    riddled
    Dear Diary,

    My computer is broken. Beyond repair apparently. I'd like to lie and say "It's a motherboard failure" or "damned windows XP destroyed my computer - bloody Bill Gates", but unfortunately I can't lie.

    I most likely caught a virus while downloading porn.

    What annoys me the most is that it wasn't even porn I was interested in. I was trying to find a version of the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape - because I've seen pamela andersons, paris hilton's, Kate Richies (sally from home and away), Rob Lowes and R Kelly's. So all that's left is Gena Lee.

    So I downloaded it, something a bit funny happened with the computer. Weird messages and all. Then I Watched the bloodyt thing and it turned out just to be a bang-bus preview.

    Next time I turned on my computer... nothing worked.

    Long story short (for once), I have a virus that got past AVG and Norton and it's spread like cancer through my system.

    Recommendation : format the hard disk and rebuild from scratch.

    Which means that the rest of season 6 of buffy and the first season of angel.. will be gone. BAH.

    I feel so dirty. It feels like my computer got an STD from some cheap ho.

    Gena Lee Nolin gave my computer the clap.

    Bah.

    so I won't be able to do anything until exams are over on Friday. So It'll be library internet access only - which will mean no access to the famous males web-boards.

    *weeps*

    off to study.
    Friday, April 30th, 2004
    9:45 am
    Britney
    Tonight, I see Britney Spears.

    Now you may remember that Britney and I broke up after I heard the sheer rubbishness that is her latest album.

    When I heard she was coming to Glasgow I thought maybe we could both give it another chance. What we had was beautiful and she made a mistake, it's not fair to make her pay for that for the rest of her life (are you listening Justin?).

    So tonight we try out our new reconcilliation. It's simple really. If her show is very good, I'll forgive her. I don't just mean a little bit good. I mean so good that I'll have to bring newspaper and put it down on my seat and the floor in case I shit myself with excitement. So really, our relationship is in her hands.

    In other news, JC chasez is supporting. I'm so excited about that that I've had an erection all week. Well, actually, that's a lie. Maybe I've just had a bit of a dampy.

    My man's coming. He's mostly being forced. He was very good at the Beyonce concert and didn't distract me from my screaming like a twelve year old girl too much, so I thought I might let him in on the Britney and JC action. Although he doesn't really approve of Britney's new raunchy image. One morning he heard a news story about her hot-hot-hot xxx show and matter of factly he called her a "sell out". Bless him.

    Thing is before I can go see Britters and JC (and the cunt-faced Jada Pinkett Smith who was bored and got will smith to pay for her attempt at a pop career), I need to spend a day studying.

    Resisting the temptation to write

    "Boring_Fun *hearts* JC Forever and ever" all over my notes may be too much.

    or "boring_fun woz ere wiv Britters b4u and ne1 else" in my sparkly scented study pens.

    In other news - I got hideously drunk on Wednesday with my man after another abortion of an exam. After a bottle and a half of wine I fell asleep face down, drooling, aware that I needed to pee and throw up. But being too tired to stand up. Luckily I did neither, but I Spent yesterday being very hungover and doing rubbish study.

    Current Music: lamb:heaven
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